Panel 1: Foxwolf is walking into the kitchen. She reaches for the refrigerator door. The fridge is covered in reminders and Jerri’s excellent drawings.
Panel 2: Beyond Foxwolf’s snout, on the refrigerator, a list of spelling words is secured in place with a magnet from “The Bank.” The list is decorated with a friendly animal in a field beneath the sun. Along with “Test Tuesday,” the spelling words for the week are listed: preheat, discount, misspell, careful, peer, where, your, storm, shore, nurse, third, burst, joyful, and enjoy.
Panel 3: The kind animal is so sweet. Foxwolf is pleased.
Panel 4: He’s so round and soft and pleasant. Maybe there is good in the world after all.
Panel 5: “Spell ‘discount’.” The round creature, he has a gun.
Panel 6: Foxwolf, finally looking away from the illustration, seems confused and disturbed as she calls out to Houndmage, “Hon? I definitely still have COVID.”
Panel 1: “I remembered reading that chihuahuas were used as hot water bottles in the past, and I wanted to make a comic about it.” There is a woman seated holding a small, angry dog with a hot water bottle for a body on her lap.
Panel 2: “Mostly because I wanted to draw a bunch of cute little Nelson hot water bottles… So, I looked it up, hoping reading more would help me come up with a narrative.” Foxwolf’s hands are on a computer keyboard in front of a monitor displaying “Poogle” search results for “chihuahuas use as hot water bottles.” Between the monitor and the keyboard, the hot water bottle dog is sleeping on its back and blowing a snot bubble out of its nose. The search results on the screen are as follows: Dreddit: “TIL Chihuahuas were often used as living hot water bottles – A reddit post from 4 years ago that says this and links to the Wikipedia page for chihuahuas, which says absolutely nothing about it.” AI Generated Ad Hell: “An in-depth look at the Chihuahua – We also read that reddit post, lol. Anyway, have you considered the all new Toyota Tundra? Hey, did you ever notice you’re fat? You ought to do something about that.” Damazon: “Chihuahua Lovers Hot Water Bottle Cover – Dog Hot Water (cut off) – Buy it. Right now. Do it right now. Buy Somethi – (cut off)”
Panel 3: “But the only results were links to awful, sourcless articles. The only marginally reliable information I could find about dogs being used as a heat treatment was in reference to another dog breed native to Mexico: the Xoloitzcuintli… The American Kennel Club says people thought these naked dogs had healing properties because they’re warm to the touch.” There is a hairless dog with a tiny mohawk radiating heat surrounded by marshmallows on sticks being held out over the dogs warmth.
Panel 4: “That dog was bred with a dog called the Techichi. Techichi were often eaten and used as money… Those are the ancestors of the modern chihuahua.” A pot of stew steams and ingredients including carrots, potatoes, onions, chilis, garlic, beans and a round, fat dog with the body of a rotisserie chicken are being dropped into the pot.
Panel 5: “Okay, both dogs were eaten. Anyway, this is the closest association I could find, and the AKC doesn’t cite any sources on the Xolo being used as hot water bottles… So this fun fact about chihuahuas is probably not true.” In a classroom, Foxwolf, disappointed, hands a paper titled “Xoloitzcuintli – A Report by American Kennel Club” to a sweating and surprised, fluffy, white dog. The paper is graded “D – Missing Bibliography!” At the desk in the background, a student who looks like the Dreddit logo from the search results in Panel 2 is hunched and sweating, holding their paper which received an “F.”
Panel 6: “And what am I supposed to do with these?” Tons of Nelson hot water bottles are falling from the top of the panel to an accumulating pile on the ground.
Panel 1: Foxwolf is asleep and drooling at her desk.
Panel 2: She jolts awake with an idea. Spit is still pouring down the side of her face.
Panel 3: Foxwolf springs from her office chair and sprints around her desk. Chief looks up from his dog bed as the chair spins with momentum.
Panel 4: Brow furrowed in determination, Foxwolf sprints through the house with urgency. Her surroundings are a blur.
Panel 5: Houndmage sits on the couch, legs crossed reading a book. He looks up from the book at Foxwolf, who skids into frame sweating.
Panel 6: Foxwolf is out of breath, leaning with her hands on her hips. “Are all lions gay since they live in prides?” she asks. Houndmage looks disappointed and says, “Don’t you have a job?”
Panel 1: Foxwolf has arrived to Houndmage’s crowded family get-together. She nervously grins at the host. On one side of the doorway is a cross. On the other wall, there is a decorative plaque that says, “In This House, We Praise The Lord!” A sexy lord is reclined between the words. In the lower corner of the frame, there’s a “Person Meter” that’s about eighty percent full.
Panel 2: Seated below an Art Décor Hand Painted Bible Verse American Flag Cross Holy Abstract Painting Large Art Pictures for Living Room Bedroom Office Decor at a packed dinner table, Foxwolf smiles weakly. The other guests around the table are laughing and enjoying the conversation. The Person Meter is at fifty percent.
Panel 3: Dinner is over and the party is mingling throughout the house. In the busy hallway, Foxwolf is caught in an awkward conversation with a man she barely knows. Sweat pours past her glazed eyes and pained grimace. The man is determined to state his opinions. The Person Meter is at twenty-five percent.
Panel 4: Foxwolf made her way to a couch corner in the game room. One of the guests beckons for her to join the next round of cards. Foxwolf waves off the request, retracting into the cushions. The Person Meter is nearly empty. An alert window displays, “WARNING! PERSON VEIL CRITICALLY LOW”
Panel 5: Outside finally, Foxwolf waves goodbye to the smiling party-goers in the doorway. She is doing her best impression of a pleasant expression and melting into her own shoulders. The Person Meter is completely empty, and the warning has updated to, “WARNING! PERSON VEIL DOWN CRITICAL FAILURE”
Panel 6: Houndmage and Dogwolf are in the car driving home. The Person Meter says, “LOADING,” and has a bar now that says “REBOOTING…” Foxwolf grips the steering wheel thinking about all the dumb ways she was at the party and frowns sadly.
Panel 1: Houndmage reaches for a game called, “Pizza Hell,” and says “Let’s play this game finally.”
Panel 2: Foxwolf is wrapped in a large blanket on the couch playing a Nintendo Switch. She glares at Houndmage. Jerri runs past, excitedly chanting, “New game! New game! New game!”
Panel 3: Foxwolf, still blanket wrapped, has made her way over to the table where Houndmage is unboxing Pizza Hell. Begrudgingly, she sighs, “Alright. How do we play?” Unfolding a long list of gameplay instructions, Houndmage responds, “Uhh, let’s see.” Jerri is vacuuming into their mouth the game pieces from the table.
Panel 4: Foxwolf, Houndmage, and Jerri, represented by their chosen pawn on the game board, continue trying to interpret the instructions: Foxwolf: “So we need to poison all the pizza boy cards before we can spin the arson wheel.” Houndmage: “Yeah but there’s only 2 cyanide tokens.” Jerri, chewing on a pizza token: “Hi Chrrls!” Charles, sitting on the game board, looks down at the players.
Panel 5: “MRWWOOW,” booms Charles, standing in the middle of the board scattering tokens and game pieces everywhere. Foxwolf’s pawn shouts, “CHARLES NO!” as it is catapulted into the air.
Panel 6: Charles lays surrounded by the overturned pawns in a jumbled pile of tokens on the game board. She is purring intensely. “Charles wins.”
Panel 1: Foxwolf sitting in her office chair suddenly remembers something. “Didn’t I order something, like, forever ago?” she says.
Panel 2: Looking determined and irritated, she says, “I definitely did. Where the hell is it? This is bullshit.”
Panel 3: She continues, “It’s been MONTHS! What could possibly be taking it this long??” On one monitor, she has opened a browser window and searched “Fetsy” on Poogle.
Panel 4: “I bet they didn’t even ship it yet. I bet I got scammed.” She’s furiously clicking through to her past orders on Fetsy.
Panel 5: The monitor displays the shipping status page. The tracking status heading reads, “You ordered this from a literal war zone.” A map is displayed below, showing the current location of the package. Below the map, the tracking details are listed: – LOL are you fucking stupid? – It’s probably a crater. – You’re mad about this? Go ahead and complain, you piece of shit. – It made it to the post office? That’s wild.
Panel 6: Foxwolf looks at the page like she absolutely hates herself. “Oh.”
Panel 1: Nelson is sitting in a pile of blankets next to Foxwolf on the couch, tongue out, looking pathetically over her shoulder.
Panel 2: Nelson has turned her head fully to look at Foxwolf. Her eyes are wide and pleading.
Panel 3: Nelson raised one paw in the air and sticks her tongue back out.
Panel 4: She cranes back her neck and stretches her paw farther.
Panel 5: Foxwolf, exasperated says, “Fine.” Nelson has stretched herself into Foxwolf’s lap and is pitifully weeping while blocking Foxwolf’s hand so she can’t keep working.
Panel 6: Nelson has reverted back to her original couch spot with Foxwolf’s hand now resting on her side. sllp sllp sllp sllpsllp sllp – Nelson licks Foxwolf’s hand contentedly.
Panel 1: Houndmage, Jerri, and Foxwolf are sitting on the couch. Jerri asks, “Hey Mom? What would you do if a T-Rex ate your car?” There is a small lizard on the ceiling above them.
Panel 2: Foxwolf responds, “I’d probably call the insurance company and get a new car.” The lizard has taken notice of their conversation and dropped from the ceiling.
Panel 3: Foxwolf has noticed the intruder and screams, “OH SHIT!! It’s one of those insurance lizards!” The lizard starts its sales pitch, saying, “ELLO GOVNA! NEED A SPOT OF CAR INSURANCE, DO YA? WELL I KNOW JUST THE THING, I DO. DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN SAVE –” The lizard is cut off by Houndmage exclaiming, “WHAT?!” Jerri says, “Dad, I’m scared!!”
Panel 4: Foxwolf screaming and pointing at the lizard, “KILL IT!”
Panel 5: Foxwolf and Houndmage frantically stomp the lizard while Jerri watches in terror from the couch. Nelson is at Foxwolf’s feet barking viciously. The lizard is choking and exclaiming, “BLOODY HELL! FUCKING WANKERS! YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY MAD!” while getting stomped.
Panel 6: Off screen, Foxwolf is yelling at Houndmage. She says, “How many fucking times does this have to happen before you change the goddamn locks?!” Houndmage responds, “I DID!!” Jerri cries, “Mommy, I don’t want a car.” Nelson has carried the freshly stomped lizard to her bed, which is littered with the bodies of previous insurance lizards.
