March 2024

Cereal For Dinner

March 24, 2024
CEREAL FOR DINNER – PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC Panel 1: The television is broadcasting a news interview with “RICH BASTARDSON – PRISON LABOR PROFITEER.” A graphic on the screen says, “CEREAL FOR DINNER?” Rich is standing outside his palatial home in front of a decorative corporate mascot fountain. In the distance, there are a group of men working the property. A deputy on horseback watches the workers. Rich says, “Listen, poor people can eat shit for all I care. As long as it’s sold by my company, put that shit in your stupid little cart, or whatever you people do, and eat up. You’re welcome.” The news ticker at the top of the screen reads, “STOCKS SKYROCKET AFTER REUSABLE PRODUCTS OUTLAWED FEDERALLY – HOMELESS TO BE EUTHANIZED.” Panel 2: The broadcast transitions to the interviewer, “REED PORTER – SENIOR OVERLORD PLATFORMER,” who is in the newsroom. A line graph behind him titled, “LINE REPORT – IT GO UP, BUT HOW MORE?” shows an uptrending line. Reed responds, “Rich, I don’t know if you should say that. The poors are really going to hate it. You want to try again?” The news ticker continues across the top: “11-YEAR OLD WHO PUT WHOOPEE CUSHION IN D. A. R. E. OFFICER’S SEAT TO BE PROSECUTED” Panel 3: The screen cuts back to Rich, whose title card now says, “‘EAT SHIT, POORS.’ – GRAINS AGAINST GROIN GRINDING CEO.” Behind him in the driveway, a delivery truck has arrived. Workers are unloading a large statue of another corporate mascot. Rich yells at them, “Hey BE CAREFUL WITH THAT! Fucking Troglodytes,” and then responds to Reed’s question: “No, Reed, I don’t care. We’re already running the ads.” The news ticker reads, “STATE OFFICIALS ‘RELIEVED’ – GOLF COURSE SPARED IN TRAIN DERAILMENT, 357 DEAD – WAR ON (cut off)” Panel 4: Houndmage and Foxwolf are sitting on the couch in front of the TV watching the broadcast. Houndmage says, “This guy is really out here just dropping some Marie-Antoinette-ass shit on all our asses. Wow.” Foxwolf responds, “Yeah, history repeats itself.” Panels 5 & 6: Houndmage and Foxwolf both think, “Hmm… History… repeats itself…” and envision the historical painting of Marie Antionette’s execution with Rich Bastardson’s head on the pike being paraded around the stage. All of the executioners and bystanders cheer and celebrate.
CEREAL FOR DINNER – PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC

Panel 1: The television is broadcasting a news interview with “RICH BASTARDSON – PRISON LABOR PROFITEER.” A graphic on the screen says, “CEREAL FOR DINNER?” Rich is standing outside his palatial home in front of a decorative corporate mascot fountain. In the distance, there are a group of men working the property. A deputy on horseback watches the workers. Rich says, “Listen, poor people can eat shit for all I care. As long as it’s sold by my company, put that shit in your stupid little cart, or whatever you people do, and eat up. You’re welcome.” The news ticker at the top of the screen reads, “STOCKS SKYROCKET AFTER REUSABLE PRODUCTS OUTLAWED FEDERALLY – HOMELESS TO BE EUTHANIZED.”

Panel 2: The broadcast transitions to the interviewer, “REED PORTER – SENIOR OVERLORD PLATFORMER,” who is in the newsroom. A line graph behind him titled, “LINE REPORT – IT GO UP, BUT HOW MORE?” shows an uptrending line. Reed responds, “Rich, I don’t know if you should say that. The poors are really going to hate it. You want to try again?” The news ticker continues across the top: “11-YEAR OLD WHO PUT WHOOPEE CUSHION IN D. A. R. E. OFFICER’S SEAT TO BE PROSECUTED”

Panel 3: The screen cuts back to Rich, whose title card now says, “‘EAT SHIT, POORS.’ – GRAINS AGAINST GROIN GRINDING CEO.” Behind him in the driveway, a delivery truck has arrived. Workers are unloading a large statue of another corporate mascot. Rich yells at them, “Hey BE CAREFUL WITH THAT! Fucking Troglodytes,” and then responds to Reed’s question: “No, Reed, I don’t care. We’re already running the ads.” The news ticker reads, “STATE OFFICIALS ‘RELIEVED’ – GOLF COURSE SPARED IN TRAIN DERAILMENT, 357 DEAD – WAR ON (cut off)”

Panel 4: Houndmage and Foxwolf are sitting on the couch in front of the TV watching the broadcast. Houndmage says, “This guy is really out here just dropping some Marie-Antoinette-ass shit on all our asses. Wow.” Foxwolf responds, “Yeah, history repeats itself.”

Panels 5 & 6: Houndmage and Foxwolf both think, “Hmm… History… repeats itself…” and envision the historical painting of Marie Antionette’s execution with Rich Bastardson’s head on the pike being paraded around the stage. All of the executioners and bystanders cheer and celebrate.

Late

March 16, 2024
LATE – PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC Panel 1: It’s the middle of the night. Foxwolf groggily wakes and sits up in bed next to Houndmage, sleeping soundly. It’s dark in the bedroom, with only a sliver of dim light peeking through the curtains from the streetlights outside. Panel 2: Light from the bathroom shines through the open door into the dark house. Foxwolf is sitting on the toilet peeing with the door open, barely awake. Panel 3: Foxwolf washes her hands and looks at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her eyelids are heavy. “Mmm… I should write that down,” she thinks. Panel 4: Back in the dark bedroom, Foxwolf has fallen asleep with a pen in her hand. Her arm is resting on the nightstand where she has scribbled something down. Panel 5: It’s morning and the room is light. Foxwolf is in the same position as she fell asleep in. She awakes and picks up the note she left for herself, squinting at it with sleep in her eyes. Panel 6: Foxwolf rolls over onto her back and holds the paper above her. On it is a drawing of a muscular woman dancing. The drawing trails off the page in a sharp, straight line, presumably caused by the artist’s loss of consciousness. The note reads, “Christina ABuilera.” AB is underlined and capitalized. Foxwolf frowns and stares into the middle distance.
LATE – PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC

Panel 1: It’s the middle of the night. Foxwolf groggily wakes and sits up in bed next to Houndmage, sleeping soundly. It’s dark in the bedroom, with only a sliver of dim light peeking through the curtains from the streetlights outside.

Panel 2: Light from the bathroom shines through the open door into the dark house. Foxwolf is sitting on the toilet peeing with the door open, barely awake.

Panel 3: Foxwolf washes her hands and looks at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her eyelids are heavy. “Mmm… I should write that down,” she thinks.

Panel 4: Back in the dark bedroom, Foxwolf has fallen asleep with a pen in her hand. Her arm is resting on the nightstand where she has scribbled something down.

Panel 5: It’s morning and the room is light. Foxwolf is in the same position as she fell asleep in. She awakes and picks up the note she left for herself, squinting at it with sleep in her eyes.

Panel 6: Foxwolf rolls over onto her back and holds the paper above her. On it is a drawing of a muscular woman dancing. The drawing trails off the page in a sharp, straight line, presumably caused by the artist’s loss of consciousness. The note reads, “Christina ABuilera.” AB is underlined and capitalized. Foxwolf frowns and stares into the middle distance.

Dylan?

March 9, 2024
DYLAN?- PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC Panel 1: “Mew?” Dylan sits looking up to the light shining down the basement stairs. Panel 2: Charles, hearing Dylan’s mew, has immediately started sharpening a battle axe on a grinding wheel beneath Foxwolf’s desk. Sparks fly from the wheel. Panel 3: Strapped with the axe and wearing a tiny horned helmet, Charles dashes through the house. Panel 4: Dylan’s ascending the stairs. Panel 5: He’s made it to the top. Around the corner, Charles is crouched in attack position. Her pupils are huge. Dylan smiles as he walks towards the corner. Panel 6: Leaping from around the corner to high above the top step, wielding the battle axe overhead, Charles screeches, “RRREEEAAAOOOWWW.” Dylan flies back down the stairs crying in terror.
DYLAN?- PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC

Panel 1: “Mew?” Dylan sits looking up to the light shining down the basement stairs.

Panel 2: Charles, hearing Dylan’s mew, has immediately started sharpening a battle axe on a grinding wheel beneath Foxwolf’s desk. Sparks fly from the wheel.

Panel 3: Strapped with the axe and wearing a tiny horned helmet, Charles dashes through the house.

Panel 4: Dylan’s ascending the stairs.

Panel 5: He’s made it to the top. Around the corner, Charles is crouched in attack position. Her pupils are huge. Dylan smiles as he walks towards the corner.

Panel 6: Leaping from around the corner to high above the top step, wielding the battle axe overhead, Charles screeches, “RRREEEAAAOOOWWW.” Dylan flies back down the stairs crying in terror.