Panel 1: President Triden is sitting at a table with two oil executives. They are surrounded by guards wearing badges, sunglasses, and a patch that reads, “VIOLENT.” On the table there are two reports. The report on the left is titled, “MORE BIKE LANES = MORE CHINESE SPYS.” On the right there is a report titled, “BIODIVERSITY: LEADING CAUSE OF CHILD TRAFFICKING? – A study by The American Petroleum Oligarch.” Triden says, “Well sounds like you boys got it all figured out on this one. I’ll get this signed, and you make sure to invite that pretty granddaughter of yours to the next fundraising dinner… Anyhoo, I truly appreciate your generous donation to the campaign this year.” One of the oil executives is pushing a document towards Triden’s pen. It’s an executive order that says “ALL PUBLIC SCHOOLS TO BE LEASED FOR DRILLING.”
Panel 2: Bump is sitting in a golf cart resting one arm on a stack of documents stamped, “CLASSIFIED.” The oil execs who were meeting with Triden are standing in golf attire leaning on their clubs on the course next to the golf cart. In the distance, the guards are playing a round beyond some palm trees in front of the massive club house. Bump says to the oil execs, “I can definitely tell the freaks solar panels are a ploy by “big DEI” to make their kids want to be in gay furry polycules with the sun god, Ra. No Problem… Of course, the bigger your donation to the campaign, the more decrepit towns I can visit to spread awareness of this horrible attack on our great nation. Hey when’s the next time your hot granddaughter is planning to stop by the club?”
Panel 3: Bump is standing at a podium that has a campaign sign for BUMP 2024 which reads, “MAKE PHRENOLOGY SCIENCE AGAIN.” He says into the microphone, “And that’s why I’m going to dim the sun. I’m telling you folks, solar’s no good. And Triden, you know, he loves solar. Just like your kids who went “no contact.” They all love the sun. But when I’m president again, no more sun.” Behind bump are rally attenders holding signs. Some of the slogans from the signs read, “THE MOON IS FAKE,” “I’M SCARED,” “I HATE WOMEN,” and “WILL U B MEIN KAMPF?” The young oil executive and a young woman who looks like the older oil executive are standing in the crowd behind Bump holding a sign that says, “GOD BLESS OIL.”
Panel 4: Triden is giving a speech in a federal building to a crowd of elderly people in suits. In the front row, the elderly oil executive is seated next to his granddaughter – the same girl who attended the Bump rally with the young exec. She is looking down at her phone and blowing a bubble with her gum. Triden speaks at the podium: “And with my new program, “Drill, Babies, Drill,” children as young as third grade will learn real oil rig job skills while boosting the economy. Bump will say, ‘Triden’s weak on energy independence,’ but I don’t see him calling to drill at all public schools. You know, I was talking to my good friend, Sigmund Freud, yesterday, and he asked me, ‘President Bump, how are we going to save America?’ And I said, ‘Mr. Clinton, when I’m president, I’m going to make sure Israel’s schools have the tools they need to arm each and every American child with a Ford F-150. Even the pretty little girls.’ And he said, ‘Triden, I think you should go lay down,’ and I said, ‘I’ll lay down after we win, Jack.’”
Panel 5: Foxwolf, glancing down, stands in her kitchen. She has a peaceful, yet defeated look on her face and says, “And in November, we’ll be electing one of these two men to be our president.”
Panel 6: Young Jerri stares up at her in stunned silence, grimacing tearfully in pain at the bleak options Foxwolf has laid out for the forthcoming election. Foxwolf continues, “Did you have any more questions, honey?”
Leave a Reply